if I feel guilty enough, does it no longer seem like a lie?

I woke up this morning feeling a bit guilty.
I had been up three hours prior to let work know that I wasn't coming in.

it doesn't really sound like a big deal right? I mean, we are entitled to days off. If we weren't, then why would the company let us accumulate the time? The problem with my call were the circumstances surrounding it.
For one, it was a holiday. I knew that if I did not call in, then I would have to work and would probably leave work late. So I would miss out on everything the family had planned. what else was I supposed to do? I had to lie. I wanted to be part of the whole celebration that was taking place. And I knew work would not have allowed me to do this because they always find a way to ruin my plans.

I also knew that my co-worker, Alice would be upset. She had requested Friday off and of course he gave it to her. He always gives her what she wants because she is his favorite. But oh well. That isn't my problem. She was probably just going to stay home with her son, so I am sure that she didn't really have any plans that I was ruining.
And if I was, then it wasn't really my fault. Work should also be more prepared for situations like these. They should have someone else trained so that if I couldn't make it for whatever reason, they would at least have a back-up plan. I shouldn't have to lie to get a day off, but I was forced to because they don't like to bring in other people in to train. Now this was going to fall on them for not being better prepared for situations like these, so it was up to them to figure it out on their own. It was not my problem

Deep down inside, I knew that I was making excuses as to why it was okay to lie to work and ruin someone else's plans. That part didn't really bother me. The part that was eating my conscience was the excuse I had given. When my boss answered the phone this morning, all I could think of was "I can't come in today. I had a death in the family..." That lie was bothering me the most about this whole situation. They say it isn't any good to lie about stuff like that because it might come back to nip you in the ass. But I panicked and that is all that I could come up with. Now it was creating a knot in my stomach.

I knew that I would have to go back to work tomorrow to face the crowd.
I knew that some people would somehow know that I was lying.
I knew that some would be giving me attitude.
I knew that I didn't really care.

I would play the part well. I would stay quiet like a grieving person should be. And then on Friday I would be OFF and wouldn't return until Tuesday. Once I was off and away from the office, then I wouldn't have to think about it, so it wouldn't bother me anymore.

Why should I worry? Why should I wonder if this was the 3rd or 4th time that I had done this on a holiday? I shouldn't right? Its not like if I was going to get caught. What, were they going to ask me for proof? If they did I would cry and bitch and scream bloody murder. I would say that they were inconsiderate and that how dare they insinuate that I would lie about something like that. And then they would leave me alone in fear that it could get them in trouble. It would work... right?
As long as I kept thinking like this... then I would be ok. At least until tomorrow when I knew that I would have to look at them for two days before Friday came to save me. Until then I had to do something. Something to shake off this guilt.
Guilt is an ugly flaw.

st.1