is this love on the internet waves

I was 18 years old and ready to take on the world. Or at least that morning, I was ready to defy my mother by doing something that she had warned me about several times before.

I was going to meet my online boyfriend, face to face.
Was I scared? A bit. But I was also 18 and in my head - nothing could go wrong.

Steve and I had met some months back in an online chat room. He was this skater boy from Texas that had the cutest avatar ever. (I know how juvenile, but remember... I was 18) We started chatting for a bit that day and eventually kept running into each other. The conversations became personal and we no longer wanted to keep running into each other. So we started to set up times so that we could meet up and chat. A couple of months after, it got to the point where chatting online was not enough and we moved to talking on the phone.
He was, in my mind, the man I was in love with. He was cute (or at least the pictures that he sent showed a guy that was cute). He had a job. He had a car. He was tall. And the conversations were amazing.

And now, now we were at a point where the distance was a nuisance. The phone conversations were not enough. Not only did we have a strong connection through words, but physically things had gotten intense. We had shared a couple of "hot" moments over the phone. (yes, I am talking about phone sex) And now we wanted to see how strong the connection really was in person.

This morning we were going to find out.

His plane had just landed and he had called me to let me know that he was on his way. The nerves started to sink in. What if he was everything my mom had warned me about? What if he really lived down the street and knew my every move? What if his pictures were fake and he turned out to be ... hideous? What if he looked at me and thought I was hideous? What had I gotten myself into?

I stood by the window with the curtains cracked a little bit and scoped every car that went by until finally one got by... and of course it was his. He parked down the block and called me to let me know he was here. I grabbed my stuff, took a deep breath and walked outside to meet him. There he was playing with a neighborhood stray cat in front of my house. We looked at each other (thank God his pictures did not lie), smiled and walked towards the car. For some reason, I had imagined us running into each other's arms and kissing and embracing each other until our arms hurt. Instead, we walked in silence - side by side.
As soon as he opened the car I smelled marijuana. I knew he smoked it, but thought it was weird that he felt the need to smoke right after getting off the plane. He did not seem like the type to be addicted to it.
So I asked, "so ... what's that smell?" with a smile on my face.
"I was nervous and needed to calm down. You don't mind do you?" He wouldn't look at me while he talked. So instead he pretended to be trying to open the windows.
"No, I just think it is funny that you were that nervous." I played it cool not letting him know that I had butterflies in my stomach. "so we finally meet!!! Don't I get a hug or something?"
This time he turned to look at me and gave me the biggest smile. "You get more then that."

Next thing I know we were kissing so hard that the windows started to fog up. Needless to say, the connection was there. Some minutes passed and we finally stopped and laughed at the foggy windows. We both knew that this was only the beginning.

Unfortunately, our plans were put on hold because I had classes to attend to that morning. He was going to wait outside and tour the city, while I gained some knowledge. Once classes were over, we had a part two of our first encounter and decided it was best if we went to check him into his hotel.
I knew deep down inside of me where this was heading to, but I did not want him to see that I was excited, so instead I acted innocent.

We decided we would stay in the hotel room and just get to know each other. So we talked and laughed and held hands. It was all very high school, until we started kissing. Things intensified quickly and I started to become so nervous that I had to stop him. This time I could not hide it.

He smiled at me and said "how about if we smoke out to calm down both of our nerves?"
Not only was I meeting up with a complete stranger.
But I was also going to smoke weed with him not knowing what was really in that joint.
You would figure that I would stop right about now... but I didn't. Instead I smoked. I relaxed. And I initiated another kissing frenzy. This time we took it as far as it could go.
Everything he had said about him physically was true. And we clicked instantly.


I had been lucky that everything my mom said would happen - hadn't.
I had taken a big risk with all of it and luckily I had been triumphant.
But what if it had gone the other way? I don't even want to think about it.
Things did not work out between Steve and I. Yet I still do not regret what took place that day. Will I do it again? Probably not. My nerves were bad that day. And although the sex was awesome, I felt guilty. Online dating started and ended with him.

st.1